WHY IS IT SO HARD TO CHANGE HABITS?

by Melissa Laks, LMSW

​Changing habits is not a simple or linear process. It takes time, effort, and dedication, which can seem difficult with busy schedules. The great news is that it's never too late to break or change an old habit and create a new healthier habit in its place. 

Learning how to break or change bad habits can be daunting, as habits are often associated with negative emotions. We may get angry or upset with ourselves about everything we’re not doing, or feel like we’re doing wrong, but it’s often those feelings that identify wanting a change. The trick to breaking or changing bad habits is to find an approach that works for you and the habit that you would like to change. Every habit is different, so they can’t all be changed the same way or at once.

What Are HABITS?
It’s important to understand what a habit is before you start to try and break or change one. Habits are learned behaviors that become involuntary over time. They are repeated thinking patterns and behaviors that become automatic, so we don’t think about them. Habits are known as the small decisions you make and actions you perform every day. According to researchers at Duke University, habits account for about 40% of our behaviors on any given day. 

Habits can be healthy, unhealthy, or neutral. A healthy habit may include meditating 10 minutes every day or going on a walk daily. Unhealthy habits may be biting your nails or eating late at night. And neutral habits are eating the same brand of cereal every morning or taking the same route to work.

Why is it so hard to change habits?
 There are many factors that come into play on how easy or hard it is to change or break habits such as: 

• Time: A habit you’ve had for five years is going to be more difficult to change than a habit you’ve had for 1 month. In most cases, the longer you’ve had a habit, the longer it will take to break.
• Desire: Breaking a habit takes a lot of dedication and motivation. Changing habits are easier when it’s something you want to do rather than something others say you should do. 
• ​Dopamine plays a big role in whether a habit sticks or breaks. According to research by the National Institute of Health, “enjoyable behaviors can prompt your brain to release a chemical called dopamine. If you do something over and over, and dopamine is there when you’re doing it, that strengthens the habit even more.”
• It’s also important to note that personality factors and biological factors can play a part in why it is so hard to change or break habits.

Tips to help change habits
The following tips may help you change habits: 

• Manage emotions associated with the habit. Habits are sometimes coping mechanisms for anxiety, sadness, or boredom. 
  • ​Example: You may bite your nails when you are anxious. Learning relaxation techniques may decrease your urge to bite your nails.
• ​Replace the bad habit with a healthier one. It is often easier to redirect energy toward a new habit rather than to stop them altogether. There are many things you could swap habits out for. Some examples are:
  • Meditate/ deep breathing.
  • Eat some fruit
  • Get a drink of water
  • Go for a walk
  • Write in a journal 
    • Example: If you want to eat less sweets, it may be easier to replace the sweets with fruits or vegetables rather than just stop eating sweets altogether. 
• Practice Mindfulness. Mindfulness is about being present in the moment and being aware of your thoughts. Mindfulness can be a useful tool when learning how to break a bad habit, since practicing can help you become more aware of your triggers and can increase the likelihood of breaking the habit.
• Celebrate small successes & use rewards. Don’t expect to break every habit immediately. Try creating a reward system to help you look at bad habits differently. Changing habits takes time. Researchers from the University College London surveyed over 96 people over a three-month period and found that new habits took an average of 66 days to stick.
• Seek out emotional support. Friends and family can offer encouragement during the process of breaking a habit.
  • If you are struggling to change a bad habit or start a healthier one, you may find it helpful to talk about it with a therapist. 

Habits Books to Read: 

• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
• Daily Rituals: How Arisits Work by Mason Currey 
• The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp
• Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything by BJ Fogg